I FNHate… Eurovision!

Posted by Kelly on June 6th, 2010

…And no, that isn’t purely because I’m a sore looser – pah-ha! Nuls Points once again!

For a magnetude of reasons, for me, “Eurovision” is always to be twinned with “cringe-fest.”  Its inescapable. So many things about it make me die inside, not least of all, the fact that it keeps highlighting just how much the rest of Europe hate us. Even our lovely neighbours in Ireland no longer seem to be willing to slip us a few points under the “vote for your neighbour” scheme the programme invariably runs on. They’ve seen the way the wind is blowing, and decided to stick with the cool kids, leaving the UK alone and weeping in a corner.

Except…most of us aren’t weeping. Because we, as a nation, don’t take Eurovision all that seriously. Not really. We have some weird build-up to it every year,Graham Norton (god love him) prances about as the hopes of auditionees are dashed,  millions watch it, but no one seems to be that dissappointed when we lose. Not like the World Cup. I’ve never seen anyone cry because we didn’t win Eurovision.  As far as I know, none of the UK entries have ever received a death-threat for hitting a wrong note. Fans don’t have punch-ups with the supporters of other countries…

So why the hell do we keep entering the damn thing? I can’t help but feel its a collossal waste of cash which – when you consider the financial state of the country – we could spending on something far more interesting. Like National Watching-Paint-Dry contests. Or cheese rolling.

Aside from being a waste of air time, money and a global embarrassment, there are several other reasons I hate Eurovision:

1)      Pure Campness. And not camp in a good way. Not delightful, hilarious camp, such as you find in Open All Hours, or when watching Michael McIntyre. No, embarrassing, cringy camp. Like a butch heterosexual man trying to out-fabulous a Drag Queen (and I love Drag Queens!). Its camp that doesn’t work.

2)      The fact that, despite how much it costs, it always looks cheap. I don’t know what it is about Eurovision, but despite costing billions, it always looks like its been put on by school-kids on a budget of a fiver.

3)      There’s always that irritating song from one of the other countries that gets stuck in my head. I wanted to hate this year’s French entry – but it turns out French rap is damn catchy. Kelly dislikes this.

4)      The political voting. It irriates me that you can usually guess who is going to vote for whom. It is meant to be a Europe-wide talent contest, but its actually just a weird, musical way for each country to state their allegence to their neighbour.

So yes, such is my hatred for Eurovision…